Overcoming My Fear of Sharing My Work

Like many of us, I find reading my work in a writers group causes a real pucker moment. 

“Am I really going to follow my evil antagonist through acts of brutal violence?  You betcha.

Stephen King writes about his muse, the man in the basement.  The dark man.  During the day, I practice ahimsa, non-harming but when I write, not so much.  My muse eats her darlings.

My stomach flip-flops and I get dry-mouth.  My muse traipses through a dark and violent world.  From the time I’ve uploaded to Google Drive to the moment the Zoom administrator calls on me, I guzzle water and clear my throat.  Thank goodness for Viewing mode in Google Drive; I can’t see those comments as they blaze in fast and furious.

Its truly and intimate experience; when I post my work in progress, my WIP Blue Light or any number of smaller stories I’m playing with, I’m letting a group of people into my inner sanctum, my inner most creative thoughts and passions.  They may not like it.  And they say so, vehemently, reproaching my creative use of words, the dark themes. 

So…. a few pre-game suggestions.  Get a beverage, maybe two and grab a pen and a pad. Pace.

Read.  Even if your voice cracks.  Then wait.  What is happening?  The a pregnant pause that follows indicates the group is rereading the 2,000 words.  This used to be sheer, utter agony but I came to realize it was a good thing.  They try to follow the story, assemble their thoughts. 

Now the comments flow in.  I jot them all down, especially the ones I don’t like but not the ones that come from that retired, bossy know-it-all teacher/journalist who opens with, “I’m not a science-fiction reader, but….. .”  I also try to listen for group think, “Yeah, I agree with Michael, your protagonist needs a crewcut.”  Any repeating of feedback does not get noted.  Some folks haven’t studied how to beta read and its not my job to teach them.

Then I crumple up the paper and toss it over my shoulder.  I already know how I’ll edit the piece because I can hear it.

What I feared most happened.  Now what?  Fold?  Walk away?  Or listen and attempt to improve my writing?  Notice I didn’t say edit to make everyone happy.  No way can I edit my original content into making each of the six writers in my group happy, not even, but I can listen and try to make my writing better.  I’m not a pretzel.

So one fear came true.  I’m still breathing.  It’s over and I survived.  The group moves on to the next writer and the next writer.  Now’s the time to really pay attention.  Listen for my favorite writers, my favorite lyricist, the reading voices.

Next week, I’ll present again. And again and again.  Early on I repeated posts as I learned world-building to gain clarity from the group.  But I learned quickly that this was the road to rewrite quagmire.  So I no longer repost.

It gets easier with every share.

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