10 Ways to Quickly Master Jealousy in Writing Groups

There I was in the Monday night DWG, looking at the names and faces.  I knew everyone there except for one new face.  The leaders came on and introduced the new author as I felt my first pang of……

Jealousy, right in the center of my gut.  How many authors have I invited to our group and no one has taken me up on it.  A dozen, maybe?  I listened to the introductions and realized that my colleagues had accomplished something I pride myself on:  they had persuaded someone to join us.  Where I had failed, they had succeeded.

I made myself a note to google dealing with jealousy, surely there was someone out there who has documented how to deal with it in a healthy, mature way.

Then we started reading.  It was the usual suspects. Then I paused, the new person was reading.  I felt edgy and confused, ready to slash and burn with my edits.  From the opening paragraph, it became obvious; this person is a talented writer.  With mad skills.  They had a unique voice that was very different from mine.  Pang, the second jolt of jealousy reverberated in my gut.  I circled the note to google the emotion and dialed back my destructive urge to redline their submission in spite.

That google search turned out to be very helpful.  Here are a few helpful insights:

1. Don’t gaslight or deny your feelings in any way. The best way to deal with them is open, honest acceptance…. Of yourself.
2. Open your mind and heart: each writer is at a different point in their artistic development.
3. This is a natural, normal human feeling.
4. Ask yourself open-ended questions about where you are in your process. And let your inner self know that you are open to dialoguing with them to increase your sense of personal intimacy.
5. Is there bitterness? Are you experiencing low self-esteem coupled with negative self-talk? Where do these feelings live in your body?
6. Are you desirous of accolades? Are you looking for validation?
7. Is there hope inside of you? Is there a willingness to not abandon yourself?
8. Consider writing about the emotion and reading it at the group.
9. Consider making fun of yourself openly about your experience with the J feels.
10. Consider reaching out to the other author to learn more about their writing style or how they shape their writing.
11. Finally, stop reading about jealousy (talking about it, learning about it) and apply the tools to each and every situation that arises. Use this application to become a better writer.

Exploring this emotion has helped me learn more about it and where I am in the creative process.  A lot of my emotional response comes from a childlike state and, for me, that is a really, really good space to be in to create, especially world build.  So I’ll continue to connect with jealousy and see where it takes me.

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